By LINDA MARGISON
from I Am You: Stories of Resilience, Courage, and Power

When recalling happy times in her life, 49-year-old Marylin Chitwood talks about the beach in Florida near property her parents owned. She remembers going to that beach and competing against her two sisters in a sandcastle-making contest. She says she never won.

Marylin smiles as she talks about a bunny romping in the yard. One day, the bunny let Marylin’s mom approach and pet it.

When they were back home, Marylin says she fondly remembers sledding with her sisters in the hills and hollers of Brown County, Indiana, a place where she spent her whole life, growing up in Needmore, attending Brown County High School, and cheering on a squad at ballgames.

She was the baby of the family, which she says was good for her. “Mom always called me her beautiful angel, because I was born on Mother’s Day,” she says.

Marylin spent many of her days swimming.

“When I was younger, I liked swimming. I used to go off the high dive,” Marylin says. “I went way up to the top on the deep end, and I decided when I did I wasn’t going to look, because when I got up there, I realized it was too high.” But instead of backing down, she jumped off the diving board head first.

Now, however, she can’t put her head underwater because she gets bad ear infections. “I’m trying to get used to swimming without putting my head under the water, because I love to swim,” she says, adding that she has tried using ear plugs, but the pain still returns. “I can’t understand it.”

As a child, her family lived near a small bait and tackle shop, and her parents owned a pontoon boat they took to a nearby lake for fishing. She still loves to kick back and spend her days fishing.

Growing up, she and her sisters didn’t get along. “We do now,” she says, adding about one sister, “She’s just my rock. She’s always there when I need her.”

It wasn’t always that way. She recalls how one day she got so mad at her sister that she raised a softball in her hand and readied it to lob at her sister.

“She said, ‘Don’t hit me with that ball,’ and Mom walked in and said, ‘Whoa! You two aren’t fighting. Stop now!’”

Despite the normal bickering between siblings, Marylin says she really wasn’t bullied growing up. “I’m glad, because there’s a lot of people who blame themselves for certain things, and it’s things you can’t control,” she says.

Family is important to Marylin, but also the source of great pain.

“My biggest struggle is losing people in my family. I’ve lost a lot of loved ones,” Marylin says, adding that a bad marriage of 19 years—during which she endured years of verbal abuse—was especially difficult to overcome.

Marylin lost her dad in 2008 and her mom and aunt near the same time years later. A few months after that, she lost a second aunt.

“I miss all of them dearly, but I know they’re not suffering anymore,” she says about her mom and dad, who both had cancer. “It took me a long time to even be able to talk about it, but I know they’re better off. At least Dad didn’t lay around and suffer like Mom did.”

Watching the process of her mom’s debilitation took its toll. “The worst thing when Mom got sick was she always was so determined and she would drive herself places. It crushed her heart when my sister had to take her keys away from her.”

Also around that time in her life, she left her abusive marriage.

“I finally just decided that I was going to have to control my life,” she says. Although she tells her story with an air of strength, Marylin saddens when she thinks of what she had to leave behind. “It was really hard because I have a dog at home, but he takes good care of her and he lets me come and see her when I want to. Right now, that’s all I can ask.”

After the marriage ended, Marylin met a man who lived in the same apartment complex. They felt a connection, started dating, and eventually got married. “We were married three years and he died of lymphoma,” she says. “He only lived 12 days from diagnosis. It was so quick. Sometimes I think I didn’t do enough.”

Her husband’s death came as she was dealing with the loss of her parents and aunts.

With time, though, comes healing, and Marylin has found a relationship with someone who is 10 years younger, but has many of her same interests.

“I’m not used to having someone in my life who likes so much sports, but he loves to bowl, he loves to fish, he loves to swim, and I like all that stuff,” she says, adding that this person, who has a kind heart and soft demeanor, came to her when she most needed that influence in her life.

Marylin recalls a time when she and her beau were attending a dance event and a young woman started to have a seizure. Her boyfriend ran over and placed his hand on the woman’s forehead and prayed.

“It’s amazing how somebody can bring that to your life right at the moment you need it,” she says, her voice breaking.

In the midst of her grief and troubles, Marylin sought support from Stone Belt Arc in Bloomington, Indiana, which helped her learn coping skills, find a home, and start taking better care of her health.

“I’ve never regretted it, because I’ve learned so much from this place. I know when I’m down or when I’m stressed or something—at the time you don’t really think about coping skills—I think, all I have to do is just relax and breathe, concentrate on taking a deep breath, and I’m OK,” she says.

Marylin started eating better once she moved into a Stone Belt group home and has since reduced her diabetes medication and lost weight.

“I’ve been here a little over a year, and, at first, it was hard when you’re used to being by yourself and then you move in with seven girls and two bathrooms,” she says, chuckling.

Transitions are even more difficult when someone isn’t sure she needs help.

“At the time in my life I needed it, and at times I didn’t think I needed it, but my eyes are wide open now on dealing with different things,” she says.

Marylin has always been independent and once had her driver’s license, which makes it especially difficult for her to rely on others when she has medical and physical difficulties. But she is focusing on building positive relationships and just hanging out with her friends.

Through all the difficulties, though, Marylin attributes one thing to her success and survival:

“Faith.”
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Marylin Chitwood passed away on July 16, 2018.